High, honey, I'm help!

Oh my sweet dakinis, O G�ndu Sangmo, I'm so fucking high. I take nothing illegal. I take only prescription drugs. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do shit. And I am SO FUCKING HIGH. I dunno what the problem is, but it's hard to think about it because I feel so good. I think I'll have a 9.0 Richter brain pain later today, I think that a headache like the volcano what smothered Pompeii will fell me with vision-cracking pain that will leave me moaning under the pillows in the deep dark cold of my room. I've kept it under wraps, my room, because I know it's coming. Nothing this lovely comes without side effects. It's because doc changed the prescription but I want to roll around in the sheets swishing my feet in the cool luxury of freshly laundered bedding. I can tell Thor's hammer is coming, though. This is unnatural weather before the lightening and hail and bridge-breaking winds. Locked the room down, kept it icy cool from last night when the windows were wide and frigid air sailed in to paint every exposed surface with sharp, pleasurable freshness. Alcohol swabs without the smell of alcohol. Now it waits, still like the refrigerator, for me to stumble in, hiding my eyes from the light with long silk scarf tied around the head, to burrow under the insulating sheets which keep the freshness fresh longer, and suffer and sleep.

I ate decent food, I drink coffee for the caffeine that slows the agony, I down glass after chased glass of tip-toppy water; there is nothing more to do except float in artificial bliss and try not to think about how the world might actually just be normal right now but for my chronic depression and anxiety. I might feel like this all the time. Maybe this is the normal people feeling. This is why they can do things: work and dance and go out and party and drink and date and talk to people and take the bus. They feel like this, which feels like I'm experiencing deus ex machina. This is normalcy. This is why people love life. And for me it is an unexpected and totally unfamiliar Himalayan height of high-ness.

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I am currently listening to: Tricky, ooh Tricky with Bj?rk a songbird with a tongue of pure sounds from �sland
I am currently reading: Can't read, talking!